HRT - Hormone Replacement Therapy in Beattystown, NJ

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What Causes Menopause?

The most common reason for menopause is the natural decline in a female's reproductive hormones. However, menopause can also result from the following situations:

Oophorectomy: This surgery, which removes a woman's ovaries, causes immediate menopause. Symptoms and signs of menopause in this situation can be severe, as the hormonal changes happen abruptly.

Chemotherapy: Cancer treatments like chemotherapy can induce menopause quickly, causing symptoms to appear shortly after or even during treatment.

Ovarian Insufficiency: Also called premature ovarian failure, this condition is essentially premature menopause. It happens when a woman's ovaries quit functioning before the age of 40 and can stem from genetic factors and disease. Only 1% of women suffer from premature menopause, but HRT can help protect the heart, brain, and bones.

 Human Growth Hormone Beattystown, NJ

Depression

If you're a woman going through menopause and find that you have become increasingly depressed, you're not alone. It's estimated that 15% of women experience depression to some degree while going through menopause. What many women don't know is that depression can start during perimenopause, or the years leading up to menopause.

Depression can be hard to diagnose, especially during perimenopause and menopause. However, if you notice the following signs, it might be time to speak with a physician:

  • Mood Swings
  • Inappropriate Guilt
  • Chronic Fatigue
  • Too Much or Too Little Sleep
  • Lack of Interest in Life
  • Overwhelming Feelings

Remember, if you're experiencing depression, you're not weak or broken - you're going through a very regular emotional experience. The good news is that with proper treatment from your doctor, depression isn't a death sentence. And with HRT and anti-aging treatment for women, depression could be the catalyst you need to enjoy a new lease on life.

 HRT For Women Beattystown, NJ

Hot Flashes

Hot flashes - they're one of the most well-known symptoms of menopause. Hot flashes are intense, sudden feelings of heat across a woman's upper body. Some last second, while others last minutes, making them incredibly inconvenient and uncomfortable for most women.

Symptoms of hot flashes include:

  • Sudden, Overwhelming Feeling of Heat
  • Anxiety
  • High Heart Rate
  • Headache
  • Nausea
  • Dizziness

Typically, hot flashes are caused by a lack of estrogen. Low estrogen levels negatively affect a woman's hypothalamus, the part of the brain that controls body temperature and appetite. Low estrogen levels cause the hypothalamus to incorrectly assume the body is too hot, dilating blood vessels to increase blood flow. Luckily, most women don't have to settle for the uncomfortable feelings that hot flashes cause. HRT treatments for women often stabilize hormones, lessening the effects of hot flashes and menopause in general.

 Ipamorelin Beattystown, NJ

Mood Swings

Mood swings are common occurrences for most people - quick shifts from happy to angry and back again, triggered by a specific event. And while many people experience mood swings, they are particularly common for women going through menopause. That's because, during menopause, the female's hormones are often imbalanced. Hormone imbalances and mood swings go hand-in-hand, resulting in frequent mood changes and even symptoms like insomnia.

The rate of production of estrogen, a hormone that fluctuates during menopause, largely determines the rate of production the hormone serotonin, which regulates mood, causing mood swings.

Luckily, HRT and anti-aging treatments in Beattystown, NJ for women work wonders for mood swings by regulating hormone levels like estrogen. With normal hormone levels, women around the world are now learning that they don't have to settle for mood swings during menopause.

 Sermorelin Beattystown, NJ

Weight Gain

Staying fit and healthy is hard for anyone living in modern America. However, for women with hormone imbalances during perimenopause or menopause, weight gain is even more serious. Luckily, HRT treatments for women coupled with a physician-led diet can help keep weight in check. But which hormones need to be regulated?

  • Estrogen: During menopause, estrogen levels are depleted. As such, the body must search for other sources of estrogen. Because estrogen is stored in fat, your body believes it should increase fat production during menopause. Estrogen also plays a big part in insulin resistance, which can make it even harder to lose weight and keep it off.
  • Progesterone: Progesterone levels are also depleted during menopause. Progesterone depletion causes bloating and water retention, while loss of testosterone limits the body's ability to burn calories.
  • Ongoing Stress: Stress makes our bodies think that food is hard to come by, putting our bodies in "survival mode". When this happens, cortisol production is altered. When cortisol timing changes, the energy in the bloodstream is diverted toward making fat. With chronic stress, this process repeatedly happens, causing extensive weight gain during menopause.
 HRT Beattystown, NJ

Low Libido

Lowered sexual desire - three words most men and women hate to hear. Unfortunately, for many women in perimenopausal and menopausal states, it's just a reality of life. Thankfully, today, HRT and anti-aging treatments Beattystown, NJ can help women maintain a normal, healthy sex drive. But what causes low libido in women, especially as they get older?

The hormones responsible for low libido in women are progesterone, estrogen, and testosterone.

Progesterone production decreases during perimenopause, causing low sex drive in women. Lower progesterone production can also cause chronic fatigue, weight gain, and other symptoms. On the other hand, lower estrogen levels during menopause lead to vaginal dryness and even vaginal atrophy or loss of muscle tension.

Lastly, testosterone plays a role in lowered libido. And while testosterone is often grouped as a male hormone, it contributes to important health and regulatory functionality in women. A woman's testosterone serves to heighten sexual responses and enhances orgasms. When the ovaries are unable to produce sufficient levels of testosterone, it often results in a lowered sex drive.

 Hormone Replacement Beattystown, NJ

Vaginal Dryness

Often uncomfortable and even painful, vaginal dryness is a serious problem for sexually active women. However, like hair loss in males, vaginal dryness is very common - almost 50% of women suffer from it during menopause.

Getting older is just a part of life, but that doesn't mean you have to settle for the side effects. HRT and anti-aging treatments for women correct vaginal dryness by re-balancing estrogen, progesterone, and testosterone. When supplemented with diet and healthy living, your vagina's secretions are normalized, causing discomfort to recede.

Hormone Replacement Therapy Beattystown, NJ

Fibroids

Uterine fibroids - they're perhaps the least-known symptom of menopause and hormone imbalances in women. That's because these growths on the uterus are often symptom-free. Unfortunately, these growths can be cancerous, presenting a danger for women as they age.

Many women will have fibroids at some point. Because they're symptomless, they're usually found during routine doctor exams. Some women only get one or two, while others may have large clusters of fibroids. Because fibroids are usually caused by hormone imbalances, hysterectomies have been used as a solution, forcing women into early menopause.

Advances in HRT and anti-aging medicine for women give females a safer, non-surgical option without having to experience menopause early. At Global Life Rejuvenation, our expert physicians will implement a customized HRT program to stabilize your hormones and reduce the risk of cancerous fibroid growth.

 HRT For Men Beattystown, NJ

Endometriosis

Endometriosis symptoms are much like the effects of PMS, and include pelvic pain, fatigue, cramping, and bloating. While doctors aren't entirely sure what causes this painful, uncomfortable condition, most agree that hormones - particularly xenoestrogens - play a factor.

Endometriosis symptoms are much like the effects of PMS and include pelvic pain, fatigue, cramping, and bloating. While doctors aren't entirely sure what causes this painful, uncomfortable condition, most agree that hormones - particularly xenoestrogens - play a factor.

Xenoestrogen is a hormone that is very similar to estrogen. Too much xenoestrogen is thought to stimulate endometrial tissue growth. HRT for women helps balance these hormones and, when used with a custom nutrition program, can provide relief for women across the U.S.

 Sermorelin Beattystown, NJ

What is Sermorelin?

Sermorelin is a synthetic hormone peptide, like GHRH, which triggers the release of growth hormones. When used under the care of a qualified physician, Sermorelin can help you lose weight, increase your energy levels, and help you feel much younger.

 HRT Beattystown, NJ

Benefits of Sermorelin

Human growth hormone (HGH) therapy has been used for years to treat hormone deficiencies. Unlike HGH, which directly replaces declining human growth hormone levels, Sermorelin addresses the underlying cause of decreased HGH, stimulating the pituitary gland naturally. This approach keeps the mechanisms of growth hormone production active.

  • Benefits of Sermorelin include:
  • Better Immune Function
  • Improved Physical Performance
  • More Growth Hormone Production
  • Less Body Fat
  • Build More Lean Muscle
  • Better Sleep
 Hormone Replacement Beattystown, NJ

What is Ipamorelin?

Ipamorelin helps to release growth hormones in a person's body by mimicking a peptide called ghrelin. Ghrelin is one of three hormones which work together to regulate the growth hormone levels released by the pituitary gland. Because Ipamorelin stimulates the body to produce growth hormone, your body won't stop its natural growth hormone production, which occurs with synthetic HGH.

Ipamorelin causes growth hormone secretion that resembles natural release patterns rather than being constantly elevated from HGH. Because ipamorelin stimulates the natural production of growth hormone, our patients can use this treatment long-term with fewer health risks.

Hormone Replacement Therapy Beattystown, NJ

Benefits of Ipamorelin

One of the biggest benefits of Ipamorelin is that it provides significant short and long-term benefits in age management therapies. Ipamorelin can boost a patient's overall health, wellbeing, and outlook on life.

When growth hormone is produced by the pituitary gland using Ipamorelin, clients report amazing benefits. Some of those benefits include:

  • Powerful Anti-Aging Properties
  • More Muscle Mass
  • Less Unsightly Body Fat
  • Deep, Restful Sleep
  • Increased Athletic Performance
  • More Energy
  • Less Recovery Time for Training Sessions and Injuries
  • Enhanced Overall Wellness and Health
  • No Significant Increase in Cortisol

Your New, Youthful Lease on Life with HRT for Women

Whether you are considering our HRT and anti-aging treatments for women in Beattystown, NJ, we are here to help. The first step to reclaiming your life begins by contacting Global Life Rejuvenation. Our friendly, knowledgeable HRT experts can help answer your questions and walk you through our procedures. From there, we'll figure out which treatments are right for you. Before you know it, you'll be well on your way to looking and feeling better than you have in years!

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Latest News in Beattystown, NJ

Spirit Airlines will have to continue canceling flights, CEO says

Things will get worse for Spirit Airlines before they get better according to the airline's CEO as the airline cancels hundreds of flights for a fifth straight day.The airline canceled 260 flights as of 10 a.m. on Friday morning including 7 in/out of Atlantic City, 18 in/out of Newark and 12 in/out of Philadelphia. Over 1,700 flights have been canceled since Sunday."All I can say is we’re very sorry for what’s happened. This is a gut punch to everyone," CEO Ted Christie ...

Things will get worse for Spirit Airlines before they get better according to the airline's CEO as the airline cancels hundreds of flights for a fifth straight day.

The airline canceled 260 flights as of 10 a.m. on Friday morning including 7 in/out of Atlantic City, 18 in/out of Newark and 12 in/out of Philadelphia. Over 1,700 flights have been canceled since Sunday.

"All I can say is we’re very sorry for what’s happened. This is a gut punch to everyone," CEO Ted Christie told Marketwatch.

Christie told USA Today the past few days have not been the airline's proudest moments but believes the pieces of a complex puzzle are starting to come together.

It was bad weather that left crews scattered around the country out of hours to work and planes out of position which meant no slack in the system, Christie told USA Today. There was no choice but to cancel flights because the airline couldn't get in front of all the problems.

In retrospect Christie told USA Today they should have canceled more flights earlier instead of still trying to fly.

The next challenge for Spirit will be to rebuild trust with fliers Christie told CBS News.

Spirit Airlines is the only commercial airline that serves Atlantic City.

9 towns in NJ no one has ever heard of

Gallery Credit: Jeff Deminski

Beattystown

This is one of those is-it-or-is-it-not a town towns. You’ll find it in Warren County within Mansfield Township. It’s population is 4,554. Whereas Mansfield’s population is 7,725. Wait, is that including Beattystown’s population which would mean they have more people than the town they’re part of? See? New Jersey is weird.

Chesilhurst Borough

It’s a small town in Camden County with only 1,634 people. It was once ranked dead last in Best Places To Live by NJ Monthly. Ouch!

Echelon

Another sorta town within a town it is part of Vorhees in Camden County. In fact the old Echelon Mall is now called Vorhees Town Center even though it sits in Echelon. Holy identity crisis.

Erlton-Ellisburg

Sounds like a paper manufacturer, doesn’t it? Move over Dunder-Mifflin! It’s within Cherry Hill and boasts more than 8,000 people.

Also within Cherry Hill and with a population over 4,000 there’s not much to say about Golden Triangle other than it sounds like it could be some sort of slang.

Rosenhayn

Cumberland County has tiny little Deerfield Township and, like Whoville on a dust speck, there’s Rosenhayn. While Deerfield’s population is around 3,000 Rosenhayn’s is a third of that. Just call yourself Deerfield already!

Rossmoor

Found in Middlesex County within Monroe Township this place might as well be called Cocoon after the 80’s movie. It’s an active adult community that wants to think of itself as its own town.

Beautiful sunflower fields to visit in NJ 2021

Among reasons why the “Garden State” remains a fitting nickname for New Jersey — late summer means the arrival of sunflower season.

There are at least six fields, spanning the state. Some are in bloom as of early August, while others are planned to peak from late August to late September.

Calling or emailing before heading out is always advisable if weather appears to be an issue.

Gallery Credit: Erin Vogt

Happy Day Farm (Monmouth County)

Phone: 732-977-3607

Sunflower field opens on Saturday, July 9 for 2022. The farm is “cash only" and tickets are sold at the door for the summer season.

Johnson's Corner Farm (Burlington County)

Hayride tickets can be combined with a visit to the Discovery Barnyard Playground and Animal Farm, with discounts for evening hours.

Holland Ridge Farms (Monmouth County)

For the 2022 season, expected to start in September, the farm has several varieties of sunflowers, along with other gorgeous flowers and is rolling out new “photo props.”

Holland Ridge Farm is expecting to open in late September. After ticketed admission, visitors can pay a dollar a stem to bring home pick-your-own custom bouquets and arrangements.

Parkway stops getting renamed after these NJ greats

Some of New Jersey's most iconic figures are getting their names on something other than awards or gold records: Garden State Parkway rest stops.

Gallery Credit: Dino Flammia

Brookdale South: Connie Chung Service Area

Brookdale North: Larry Doby Service Area

From NJHOF: This New Jersey native is a rock musician superstar who has won scores of awards for music and for humanitarian work. With his band and as a solo artist, Bon Jovi has sold more than 150 million albums worldwide. His 1988 album, New Jersey, was a commercial smash and became the first hard rock album to spawn five Top Ten singles.

Montvale: James Gandolfini Service Area

Atlantic: Frank Sinatra Service Area

Vauxhall: Whitney Houston Service Area

Good luck finding a house in these 25 N.J. places. They have the lowest inventory in the state.

There aren’t very many houses for sale in New Jersey. And it’s not even because of the pandemic.The low inventory, coupled with low interest rates, is driving the frenzied real estate market, pushing prices higher and landing buyers in bidding wars.New listings were down nearly 11% from July 2020 to July 2021, according to the most recently available data from New Jersey Realtors.And the number of...

There aren’t very many houses for sale in New Jersey. And it’s not even because of the pandemic.

The low inventory, coupled with low interest rates, is driving the frenzied real estate market, pushing prices higher and landing buyers in bidding wars.

New listings were down nearly 11% from July 2020 to July 2021, according to the most recently available data from New Jersey Realtors.

And the number of unsold homes on the market has fallen almost 30% in the past decade.

There were 71,194 unsold homes on the market in New Jersey in July 2011, according to data from the Otteau Group. By July 2016 there were 51,010 and by July 2021 there were 20,729 unsold homes on the market.

But if you’re shopping for a home in one of the 25 places that have the lowest inventory, you’re probably even more frustrated.

NJ Advance Media took data from Redfin on housing inventory for every month of 2021. Then we averaged the total inventory and compared it to the population in that census-designated area to get the number of houses available per 1,000 people each month.

Statewide, that average is 2.6 houses per 1,000 people. But there were also 22 towns that had more than 10 houses available per 1,000 residents.

More than half of the places with the lowest inventory are in South Jersey. There are six each in Monmouth and Camden counties; four each in Middlesex and Somerset counties and one each in Warren, Gloucester, Burlington, Passaic and Mercer counties.

Here are the 25 places in New Jersey with the lowest housing inventory and their average monthly inventory this year per 1,000 people:

25. Yardville (Hamilton Township) - 1.3

24. Lindenwold - 1.3

23. Ramtown (Howell Township) - 1.3

22. Avenel (Woodbridge Township) - 1.3

21. Bradley Gardens (Bridgewater) - 1.3

20. Robertsville (Marlboro Township) - 1.3

19. Perth Amboy - 1.3

18. West Freehold (Freehold Township) - 1.2

17. Greentree (Cherry Hill) - 1.2

16. East Franklin (Franklin Township) - 1.2

15. Bellmawr - 1.2

14. East Freehold (Freehold Township)- 1.1

13. Passaic - 1.1

12. Barrington - 1.1

11. Yorketown (Manalapan Township) - 1.1

10. Finderne (Bridgewater Township) - 1.1

9. Raritan - 1.1

8. Camden - 1.0

7. Fair Haven - 1.0

6. Stratford - 0.9

5. Ramblewood (Mount Laurel) - 0.9

4. Princeton Meadows (Plainsboro Township)- 0.9

3. Beckett (Logan Township) - 0.8

2. Madison Park (Old Bridge) - 0.5

1. Beattystown (Mansfield Township) - 0.4

READ MORE:

The places in each N.J. county where housing prices have grown the most in the last year

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Allison Pries may be reached at [email protected]. Nick Devlin may be reached at [email protected]

Many Warren County people, places played key roles in Revolutionary War

When the Declaration of Independence was adopted July 4, 1776, the area of Warren County (then part of Sussex County) was still decades away from being incorporated as a distinct county.The area that would become Warren County played a vital role in the Revolutionary War, including being home to one of the war’s key generals, serving as an encampment for soldiers, and having numerous residents come to the forefront to feed and supply Continental soldiers at the most critical times.Perhaps no one from the Warren County are...

When the Declaration of Independence was adopted July 4, 1776, the area of Warren County (then part of Sussex County) was still decades away from being incorporated as a distinct county.

The area that would become Warren County played a vital role in the Revolutionary War, including being home to one of the war’s key generals, serving as an encampment for soldiers, and having numerous residents come to the forefront to feed and supply Continental soldiers at the most critical times.

Perhaps no one from the Warren County area played as critical a role in the military as General William Maxwell, whose grave is located in Greenwich Township. The commander of New Jersey forces during the Revolutionary War, Maxwell is considered by historians to be among George Washington’s most trusted officers.

Another notable local Revolutionary War patriot was Peggy Warne, who “inspired by the patriotism of her father, brothers and relatives, undertook the task of caring for the sick. It was no small part she took in this work, spending her time and energies night and day,” Frank Shampanore wrote in the 1925 book, “History of Warren County New Jersey.”

Playing just as key a role in the struggle for Independence were the unsung heroes in the Warren County area, as summarized in the five-volume book collection, “Northwestern New Jersey: A History.”

“While no battles were fought on Warren County soil in the struggle for independence, yet we were so near the seat of hostilities for the greater part of the war as to produce a state of disquiet until the war was ended,” states a chapter in the 1927 collection edited by A. Van Doren Honeyman. “We furnished promptly our men and officers; our farmers’ teams were busy hauling provisions to the armies at Morristown and elsewhere in the state; our mills ground the flour to feed the soldiers; our forges and furnaces provided the cannon balls, the cannons and other iron needed; our hills fed the cattle that soldiers needed for food and the horses they used for transport; our quiet and safe roads offered the best means of communication between Philadelphia and the Hudson River and New England…General Washington traveled by way of Bethlehem, Easton, Belvidere, Hope, Johnsonburg and Newton on July 26, 1782 attended only by two aides. It is said General Lafayette also passed through our county.”

Unsung hero

One such unsung hero of the Revolution was Jeremiah Pool, who served in the Army’s Quartermaster Corp and is among the 29 Revolutionary War veterans buried in the historic Olde First Presbyterian Church Cemetery in Hackettstown.

As a wagoneer, Pool was charged with delivering food, clothes and other supplies to the Continental Army encampment at Jockey Hollow in and around Morristown during one of the worst recorded winters in New Jersey history in 1779-80. If not for the likes of Pool, who trudged their way through the snow-covered landscape on oxen-pulled sleds to deliver food and supplies to the soldiers who were encountering dwindling food supplies and sickness, there’s no telling what condition Washington’s Army would have been in following that winter.

Historical markers around the county highlight other notable local ties to the Revolution. On Route 57 in the Beattystown section of Mansfield Township is a marker denoting a 1777 Revolutionary War encampment located where the Mansfield Commons shopping center now sits.

An engraved plaque located outside a Hackettstown business notes the location of a lieutenant’s home visited by Washington to honor residents of the Musconetcong Valley for food donations that helped his troops survive the ferocious winter of 1779-1780 at the Jockey Hollow encampment in neighboring Morris County.

Throughout the county are old cemeteries and burial grounds that hold the remains of Revolutionary War veterans.

'Prevailing sentiment'

While the Warren County area did have its share of Tories who remained loyal to the crown, the “prevailing sentiment was strong for independence,” according to “Northwestern New Jersey: A History.”

According to “Northwestern New Jersey: A History,” officials in the Warren County area were among the “earliest and most sincere adherents to the cause of the patriots” well before the writing of the Declaration of Independence. The book includes minutes of a 1774 meeting in which the Freeholders of Sussex County (which at the time encompassed Warren County) denounced the imposition of the Tea Act and other taxes by Great Britain.

The resolution, adopted July 16, 1774 at the Newton courthouse, states in part: “It is undoubtedly our right to be taxed only by our own consent, given by ourselves or our Representatives; and that the late acts of Parliament for imposing taxes for the purpose of raising a revenue in America and the Act of Parliament for shutting up the Port of Boston, are oppressive, unconstitutional and injurious in their principles to American freedom, and that the Bostonians are considered by us as suffering in the general cause of America.”

Hoboken, NJ, could require vaccination to drink in a bar

Following the lead of New York City, Hoboken could become the first city in New Jersey to deny the unvaccinated entry to a bar.Hoboken Councilman Michael DeFusco is proposing a financial incentive to bars that verify COVID vaccination status as a condition of entry. He is asking Mayor Ravi Bhalla to fast track the idea, and enact it through executive order.Bhalla has said all options are on the table when it comes to boosting his cit...

Following the lead of New York City, Hoboken could become the first city in New Jersey to deny the unvaccinated entry to a bar.

Hoboken Councilman Michael DeFusco is proposing a financial incentive to bars that verify COVID vaccination status as a condition of entry. He is asking Mayor Ravi Bhalla to fast track the idea, and enact it through executive order.

Bhalla has said all options are on the table when it comes to boosting his city's vaccination rate, but has not directly commented on Fusco's proposal.

Bhalla did support a plan to offer businesses a financial incentive if at least 75% of their employees were vaccinated.

"Incentivizing businesses that are willing to take additional measures to prevent the spread of this virus, specifically tightly packed bars, is a win for both public health and safety in our city and provides additional relief for small businesses who have struggled to make ends meet over the past year and a half.” - Hoboken First Ward CouncilmanMichael DeFusco/Press Release

Some restaurant and bar owners already don't like it, and think it would be too burdensome to enforce.

Jim McCue, who owns two bars in the city, told NJ.com he has a tough enough time sorting out fake ID's to prove someone is 21, and noted those CDC vaccination cards are even easier to fake.

Bogus vax cards are already a growing problem. Some college kids have been paying $200 or more to get one to prove vaccination status to attend classes. The FBI has identified a fake card business in Chicago. There have been local reports in other states of students using fake cards to stay in school.

There has been no direct evidence it's happening in New Jersey, but do a quick Google search, and you can find plenty of offers. At least eight New Jersey colleges and universities require proof of vaccination to attend Fall classes. Kean University was the first to announce they would deregister students who did not provide proof of vaccination status by last week.

9 towns in NJ no one has ever heard of

Gallery Credit: Jeff Deminski

Beattystown

This is one of those is-it-or-is-it-not a town towns. You’ll find it in Warren County within Mansfield Township. It’s population is 4,554. Whereas Mansfield’s population is 7,725. Wait, is that including Beattystown’s population which would mean they have more people than the town they’re part of? See? New Jersey is weird.

Chesilhurst Borough

It’s a small town in Camden County with only 1,634 people. It was once ranked dead last in Best Places To Live by NJ Monthly. Ouch!

Echelon

Erlton-Ellisburg

Sounds like a paper manufacturer, doesn’t it? Move over Dunder-Mifflin! It’s within Cherry Hill and boasts more than 8,000 people.

Also within Cherry Hill and with a population over 4,000 there’s not much to say about Golden Triangle other than it sounds like it could be some sort of slang.

Olivet

Rosenhayn

Cumberland County has tiny little Deerfield Township and, like Whoville on a dust speck, there’s Rosenhayn. While Deerfield’s population is around 3,000 Rosenhayn’s is a third of that. Just call yourself Deerfield already!

Rossmoor

Found in Middlesex County within Monroe Township this place might as well be called Cocoon after the 80’s movie. It’s an active adult community that wants to think of itself as its own town.

Tubing, NJ’s great redneck activity (Opinion)

I’ve had root canals before. People make a big deal of them, like they’re the worst thing. Sure there’s some pain. And that burning smell is odd. But you’ll be lounged back. No one is going to make any demand on you for almost an hour. No kids are going to ask for anything unreasonable. You can just close your eyes and realize this root canal is the closest thing you’re going to have to a vacation this year.My point is, I would rather have a root canal than go tubing.New Jersey Monthly ...

I’ve had root canals before. People make a big deal of them, like they’re the worst thing. Sure there’s some pain. And that burning smell is odd. But you’ll be lounged back. No one is going to make any demand on you for almost an hour. No kids are going to ask for anything unreasonable. You can just close your eyes and realize this root canal is the closest thing you’re going to have to a vacation this year.

My point is, I would rather have a root canal than go tubing.

New Jersey Monthly ran an article extolling the virtues and wonders of tubing on the Delaware River. Consider this the rebuttal.

In the piece “Try Tubing Down The Delaware River” they talk a good game. It mentions how several tubing companies offer self-guided floats of five to six miles that last two to three hours.

Huh. A whole 2 miles per hour? I’ve jumped out of a perfectly good airplane at 16,500 feet in free fall and I’ve flown ride-along with The Blue Angels. Tubing is slightly less invigorating.

Which isn’t the point anyway, I know. The point is to relax and take in nature. But you’re on your back in a giant rubber ass gasket that you have no real control of just floating like the white feather in “Forrest Gump.”

Only the feather is wet.

You know what a wet feather smells like?

The correct answer is: better than you will when you’re done tubing. That bouquet of river water infused with algae and bugs combined with beer sweat. Because you’ll be so bored floating at 2 mph down this dumb river that you won’t be able to not drink.

If you do it like I used to do it in West Virginia one of your tubing friends will have attached a cord to a floating beer cooler on one end and his tube on the other. His name will usually be something like Cooter or Tiberius. He’ll scratch often then open your beer for you even when you asked him not to.

At some point as you’re an hour into your painfully slow roll down this river you’ll check the time and not believe you have another two hours to go. You’ll wish you were anywhere else. Even dead. You’ll think how if you had a jet ski this would actually be fun.

When the agony is over you’ll check yourself for leeches and ticks. Tiberius, having done this all his life, will offer to help you check and remembering how he kept opening your beers you’ll decline.

Once home you’ll have the peaceful feeling of it being over. That night you’ll dream of how the day could have been better. Hitchhiking in a traffic circle. Changing a tire in an active EZ-Pass lane at a Turnpike toll plaza. Things like that.

But hey, I’m no New Jersey Monthly, so what do I know?

Oh, maybe you could have one of those high-end tubes with an entertainment system on board. This could be your in-float movie…

The post above reflects the thoughts and observations of New Jersey 101.5 talk show host Jeff Deminski. Any opinions expressed are Jeff Deminski's own.

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